# 11

#10

and YOU were irresponsible with pita toppings
when you dropped them on the floor
now WE must buy new pita toppings
and theres a line up out the door
so next time YOU come in to work
WE will not be speaking
because the pita toppings must be replaced
and your pita rolling clumsiness has us freaking

#9

the boy was angry, he was lost
throwing things around
throwing things at people
wanting them to beg
they asked him what was wrong and he couldnt say her name
she had left him and he couldnt find his way
without his shoes without her guidance
without the piece of him that she had earned
the boy was angry, he was lost

#8

pumping iron in the backstage light

windblown hair and jeans on tight

ready to make a mark on the world

she felt ready and afraid

confident and strangely ashamed

open and young and vibrant and strong

the lights go out and the silence falls

heart rate climbing

the sweating walls

they hold their breath she closes her eyes

dizzying height above them all

#7: Do You Remember This Girl?

you may remember this lovely lady from one of our first posts about teenagers explaining pez dispensers to foreigners. well shes back to explain the health benefits of showing lots of tit, wearing unchipped nail polish and picking your nose all at the same time. this is a time honoured canadian tradition, and is indigenous to the saskachewan prairies. although the gesture is provocative in and of itself, it is generally part of the canadian courtship rituals. while people in other developed countries waste their time "dating" and "falling in love" and then "getting divorced," canadian teenagers simply show some tit, pick their noses and wear fresh nail polish. whichever girl can hold the pose longest is considered the most desirable, and the males will battle for her affections indefinitely.

#6: Arctic Poseidon

if it were possible to have magic powers, this would be the one to have. callies friend katelyn (or is it her boyfriend alex? no matter) is modelling how it would look if you were able to spontaneously change the sea into snow. i think that how it works is you take the magical crazy carpet and catch a wave, like surfing. just when you start plunging to your watery grave. BOOM! snow waves! and you look painfully distressed. way to go katelyn. you killed all the fish. hope you enjoyed your crazy carpet.

#5: Seeing is Believing

well if you werent there to see it, you wouldnt believe it. nevertheless, i shall relate the tale back to you, and perhaps you will humour me. there was once a woman who left her baby sitting outside in the stroller. since she was kind of a spaz, she forgot that the stroller was there and went home. the baby got so angry that it willed itself to grow into a teenager so it could walk home. this went marvellously, except that the baby couldnt teach itself to walk. his only experience with movement was being carried or pushed in the stroller. because of his newfound size, he popped out of the stroller and was sitting beside it, trying to decide what to do next. he realised that as far as he was aware, holding his hands out to clutch the crossbar of the stroller is what made it go. so he sat and tried this technique in order to get home. obviously this was futile. eventually the authorities came, but since he couldnt speak and appeared unable to move, he was delivered to the nearest institution, where he has been on a steady dose of medication ever since.

#4: The Truth About Scarves

this is what happens when scarves go wild. you may not realise this, but scarves are extremely ill-tempered, as this unfortunate soul learned on her way to fourth period calculus. she was walking along, her mind preoccupied with things like derivatives and exponents and that sort-of-ugly-but-in-an-attractive-way guy who sits behind her, when this gray scarf was dropped in the hall a few metres ahead. the scarf was irate, would not stand for such treatment, and jumped up, pummeling the first person who approached. the aspiring mathematician was brought to her knees, the wind knocked out of her. she awoke later in the infirmary, dazed and with an unshakable phobia of poly-cotton blends.

#3: Something a LIttle Different

unlike the posts thus far, i cant really fictionalise about this photo, because it is a picture of our brother wearing a top hat. amazingly, however, this photo is in keeping with the theme of the blog, because i have never seen this photo and i have no idea when it was taken. anyway, its appropriate though, because yesterday was our brothers birthday, so this post can be in honour of him. so happy birthday clinton. anyway, i can only imagine what sort of insanity inspired our brother to dance around in the top hat, so let me tell you about the hat instead. our dad has two antique top hats. one collapses and the other doesnt. he inherited them from his stepfather who died when he was a teenager. anyway, so weve had the hats, "alfie's hats" as we always refer to them, as if alfie might jump out of his grave and come looking for them someday, since before any of us were born. i think we have all worn the hats at some point, but my mother hangs them on the wall and we arent supposed to touch them.

#2: The Tragic Demise of Rupert

rupert was borne of an uninspired attempt to make a doggie out of a balloon. this misguided venture into balloon sculpture ended more quickly than it began, and he was cast away in all of his inadequacy and sad resemblance to a martian before he even had time to learn to like his drunken clown-master. despite this rather inaustere beginning, rupert had a noble spirit, and decided to embrace his quiet life of solitude by filling it with adventure! day after day he sought new places to go and people to meet, never stopping long enough to reflect on his circumstances and wallow in self pity. it would have been a long and inspiring biopic detailing all of the different things that can happen to a resilient piece of latex, when he was swept up by the gale of a hand dryer, where he was slowly tortured into a melting gummy consistency.

Picture 1: A Three Letter Word For Candy

Well, here it is. The first of hopefully many pictures on our adventurous team blog. Have fun.
Or as Batman would say,
Stay fit, have fun!


This is a picture of a girl impersonating a pez dispenser. She came to be in this position because she went to a party where she was shocked and dismayed to discover some Japanese exchange students enjoying a mere fifty percent (possibly less) of the joy of pez consumption, in that they were not eating the tasty rectangular candies from a dispenser. She tried valiantly to explain to them what they were missing, but their English was fraught with grammatical errors and lack of vocabulary. So the brave girl went to the washroom and noticed that a bar of soap looks strikingly similar to pez. She ran back to the exchange students brandishing the soap. The terrified pacific islanders started protesting as best they could, thinking they had hit upon some fetishistic hygiene party. “We shower before! We shower before!” They cried. “What?” the confused girl replied. Shrugging, she pointed to the pez and started trying to pantomime how a pez dispenser works. The exchange students sat in stunned silence. This isn’t working, she thought. So she enlisted the help of an innocent bystander, because she realised that by using her own hands, she was not conveying the open headedness/handlessness of the dispenser. With the aid of said bystander, she felt confident in her pez-demonstrating ability. Needless to say, she didn’t display anything to the exchange students other than craziness, but they sent this picture to all of their friends, and now you can enjoy it for yourself

THANK YOU ASHES FOR JOINING THIS BLOG.
it makes me feel so much less pathetic.

AT LAST!

alright, first let me say, callie, i love what you have done with the appearance of the blog. bravo. it looks great. i love the clock, btw. also i think i finally thought of something we could do that would be cool and different and a little more meaningful than just showing the world our idiotic correspondence. and it will give us both an opportunity to put our best skills first. ok, here is my idea.
whenever you can, hopefully at least once a week, you post a random picture on the blog that you took. it cant be a picture that youre putting on your blog. dont put up any description, and the weirder the better. THEN i can write about it, not really knowing what it was... i realise this sounds abstract, but i think it will work. and i also think that it is a good jumping off point and we can tweak or change it as we feel necessary. ALSO this way you wont have to necessarily make a writing committment, so youre free to keep up with your own blog and whatever other nonsense you get up to when youre procrastinating. so there you go. let me know what you think. and again, i love the layout. it would be cool though if next time were together (ie at the wedding) we could take some pics of both our glasses to see if you can add anything to the header to include both of us.

So I finally got around to doing this thing, so I suppose Chloé and I should get on really doing this.
How shall we start?

sort of more like a comment but i made it a post anyway

chloé you're starting to type like mom.
eg
hi...i was just wondering how you were doing...we haven't spoken in so long...i miss the sound of your voice!...life is good here...write me back...

...

so unnecessary.

Don't Be So Negative

callie, you shouldnt be so negative. i told you to update the template and if we would just figure out what we are doing then it wouldnt be going down the tubes. i am perfectly willing to commit to this project.. i still like the idea of us just writing letters to each other AS IF no one else was going to read them... kind of like what weve been doing... it would like.... feed the voyeuristic nature of having a voice in cyberspace or something.... maybe if we both agreed to blog every other day... you write something, i write something the next day, etc. i think i can find the time to get that much done on it... and just see where it goes from there. i think the only thing hindering my motivation is the inherent ugliness of the template which i am counting on you to fix.